From Disconnect to Discovery: Navigating Marriage, Divorce, and Beyond with Colleen Kowal
What really happens when a marriage begins to unravel?
Is it one moment, one argument, or is it the slow build-up of unspoken needs and unmet expectations? In a recent WeChat Divorce episode, we sat down with Colleen Kowal, Imago Relationship Therapist, to unpack the emotional layers of marriage, divorce, and co-parenting — and how the journey from connection to disconnect often begins long before divorce papers are filed.
The Unseen Agreements We Carry: Relational Contracts
One of the most powerful takeaways from our conversation with Colleen was her explanation of “Relational Contracts”—the unspoken agreements we all enter into when relationships begin. We don’t even realize we’ve made them.
“Most fights are about unmet needs,” Colleen explained. “We unconsciously divide duties—one person handles the finances, the other raises the kids. Over time, those unspoken agreements become imbalanced. And unless we revisit them, resentment grows.”
Sound familiar? Many of the clients we work with at My Divorce Solution experience exactly this — especially around money. What started as a fair split of responsibilities slowly turns into financial imbalance, leaving one partner feeling powerless or out of control.
The good news? These contracts can be renegotiated — ideally long before divorce is on the table.
When Divorce is on the Table: Understanding Discernment Therapy
Not sure if your marriage is over, or if it just needs repair? Colleen introduced us to the concept of Discernment Therapy — a safe space for couples who aren’t ready to jump straight into divorce but need help figuring out what they truly want.
“It’s not about fixing things right away,” she shared. “It’s about opening the box — exploring what’s there, what you miss, and what might need to change.”
For many couples, that pause — that intentional reflection — prevents costly mistakes, both emotionally and financially.
Divorce Doesn’t End at 18
Another impactful moment came when Colleen reminded us that divorce isn’t over when your children turn 18.
There are graduations, weddings, grandchildren… and if you don’t process the emotional baggage now, it’ll show up later — sometimes in the most important moments of your life.
“You either bring your baggage into the delivery room, or you don’t,” she said. “It’s a choice you make by doing the work now.”
That work — whether through therapy, financial clarity, or intentional conversations — is what sets you free, not just from your marriage, but from carrying old wounds forward.
Avoid Hiring Your Ex’s Clone
An unexpected — but essential — takeaway from our conversation: Be mindful of the professionals you hire during your divorce.
Many people unconsciously choose an attorney or advisor who mirrors the same power dynamic they’re trying to leave — creating the same toxic cycle in a new outfit.
This is why at My Divorce Solution, we emphasize building a divorce team you trust — and knowing the financial facts so you can advocate for yourself.
The Heart of It All: Trusting Yourself Again
Divorce often leaves you questioning everything — including your own judgment. The most important step? Learning to trust yourself again.
“If you don’t trust yourself, you won’t trust your professionals, your co-parent, or your next partner,” Colleen shared. “It starts with you.”
At My Divorce Solution, we believe knowledge is power — and our process is designed to help you find that clarity, confidence, and trust again.
Ready to Take the Next Step?
Whether you’re contemplating divorce, in the middle of it, or ready to move forward, you are not alone.
Explore our Divorce Financial Portrait™ or connect with a Divorce Financial Specialist to get started.
Learn more at azure-emu-499854.hostingersite.com/
Listen to the full episode of We Chat Divorce featuring Colleen Kowal — you don’t want to miss this one. https://youtu.be/f9zWYf9XPLU
Remember: Divorce is a process — not just a legal one, but an emotional and financial journey. The right guidance makes all the difference.
Knowledge is power. And you’re stronger than you think.