143. Divorce Dollars & Activating Your Female Genius with Shannon McGorry

0:01

Welcome to WeChat Divorce, hosted by Karen Chellew, Legal Liaison and Catherine Shanahan, CDFA.

Each episode we sit down with divorce professionals and industry experts to provide insights and frank discussions about real people, real situations, and real divorce to help you achieve your best life post divorce.

0:39

Welcome to WeChat Divorce, brought to you by My Divorce Solution.

Today, Catherine and I will be welcoming Shannon Mcgorry to our podcast to discuss divorce dollars and how to activate your female genius.

Oh boy, you know I’ll go rogue on this podcast.

0:57

Activate your female genius.

What do you think that means?

That.

Means find it and then cover it and let it shine.

That’s what I would think it meant.

I do you think I activate my female genius on a daily basis?

Every single day.

Whether I believe it or not.

1:17

What?

I said we’d live for that.

Well, you know, I love that because I don’t believe divorce defines us, right?

I say it all the time.

Divorce is a part of your story.

It’s not your whole story, but it could be so empowering.

I mean, the positive side to divorce, if you’re going through it or you have to go through it or you’re choosing to go through it is you get to start over, set up your whole next phase of your life.

1:40

But if you don’t feel that power, this maybe this podcast is going to teach you how to activate that power.

Because I know we all have it.

IIA, 100% agree.

And you know, some people in their childhood or their various relationships kind of developed a sense of themselves that maybe was innate or not.

2:02

I’m going to guess a lot of us developed a personality that we defined ourselves.

So it’s very different from who we are innately.

So activating your female genius, I believe it’s just finding that and figuring out what makes you come alive and happy and engaged in life and move forward from there.

2:23

And in divorce, it’s essential, don’t you think, to figure that out, even if it’s on a small step by step process.

I I think it’s just so important.

You know, Karen, I don’t think we ever talked about MD’s in this way, but it’s even you and I meeting each other, right?

2:41

I tell everybody my strengths or your weaknesses, your strengths or my weaknesses.

And it’s it’s been so beneficial to MD’s and what we’re doing for all your listeners to just make the divorce process better.

But you know, when I got divorced at 44, I was a stay at home mom even though I was a financial planner before, you know, I raised the five kids, a blended family.

3:03

I never thought I’d be an entrepreneur.

You know, I set out to just help women going through the divorce.

I went back to my financial planning route routes and I just wanted to work with women.

And then knowing you and knowing what you did at the law firm, I quickly realized that I needed to pivot because it wasn’t just the financial planning piece.

3:21

This is a messed up system.

And I know you always say the courts fail us.

And it’s so true.

And I was thinking it had to be better.

So coming to you and saying let’s get together because I knew that the two of us together were better than us individually.

For the mission of changing the way people get divorced has been really igniting or energizing to me because at 44, I did never anticipated starting a company like ours.

3:51

And here we are.

We were able to help each other because you helped spark something in me.

And I believe you’ll agree that I helped spark something in you because.

Oh.

My gosh.

This is a tough industry.

I mean, it’s still pretty much man run and an old industry.

4:09

So to do it alone, you know, I probably would have cried too many tears to stand up to everyone that we stand up to.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

And IA 100% agree that you ignited something in me.

I always thought that, OK, I was, I knew I was getting divorced.

4:26

So I, I need to get my kids through middle school because I didn’t want anybody paying for my kids.

That’s my job, whatever.

So the time came and I thought, I’m going to go back to law school.

I want to be a lawyer for completely forgetting that I’m horrible at school.

4:43

I’m horrible.

I, I, I’m not a student.

However, that was not a consideration.

So the time that you approached me, Catherine, was the exact time that I needed to make a change in my life.

It was, it was crazy that way.

5:01

And so, you know, just the fact that all of the stars aligned in that space that allowed us to do this great work together was phenomenal.

And, you know, I had to change my mindset.

My entire life was about supporting like my father, my first husband, all the partners in the firm.

5:20

I didn’t necessarily see myself as an entrepreneur, but I’m an entrepreneur 100 times over.

Anybody that knows me would agree with that.

And so the ability to get up every day and do that and partner with you is extraordinary for.

5:36

Sure.

Yeah, we’re totally lucky.

But I’m not starting another business with you.

It’s too exhausting.

I don’t even bring it up.

But you know, we were able to.

We were able to to activate ourselves with the support of each other, but being open minded to do this.

5:52

And you know, our clients that come through our process, we see that happening with them.

You know, once they get the knowledge, they become, you know, so self empowered and the knowledge really helps them and it’s so rewarding to us.

I’m really excited for this conversation today.

6:08

Yeah, me too.

And just a heads up, we’re talking with a coach today.

Some people, you know, they vacillate about whether that investment is worth it or not.

But I believe our investment as business owners and a coach was in that.

And I think everybody, when they’re starting a new chapter of their life, that coaching aspect can prove, you know.

6:31

What?

Wait, let me bring that up before we go on.

Sorry, we’re entering too long, but I did say when I heard the title of this, I was going to get all Rogue on you.

That coach that Karen mentions, Karen wanted to because she transitioned out of the firm.

I was already in it moving forward.

6:48

Karen was transitioning.

And so there were a lot of balls in the air and our brains work differently.

I’m just let’s go do it.

Karen’s like we got to figure it out and do it, which again has led to the success of MD’s.

But she came to me and said, listen, I got to go talk to this coach.

I, I, you know, this is a lot going on.

7:05

We had attorneys that were challenging us and she just wanted to have all the balls lined up and I was like, I don’t need to go to a coach.

I, I don’t, I mean, I could have been a therapist myself.

I always said, right, because I’m a chatter.

And so she pushed me enough and I said, OK, I’m going for you.

You feel so strongly about this, but I’m going to go sit and listen.

7:23

You say whatever you want.

I don’t need to go, but let’s go because I’m so supportive of her.

And that’s the other thing that we do.

If one of us feels stronger about something where the other one doesn’t have the same negative feel about it, we just go with it, right?

So we go to this coaching session and I think it was supposed to be an hour and we start talking and who takes over?

7:44

Yes, voila, me and I’m crying.

It’s all coming out.

Everything felt the way we’re communicating with each other, we’re talking about I got the most out of that coaching, I think than the two of us at that time.

But it was so beneficial just to have that third party listening to the two of us and helping us communicate as partners in this very tough business that we’re in.

8:06

So yeah, thank you for making me go to that.

I really appreciate that it was.

We still benefit from that every day for sure.

It’s not something that you learn and just move forward.

It creates habits and patterns that really move you down the road forever.

8:25

Yeah.

And that brings us to our topic today, divorce dollars and how to activate your female genius.

So let’s welcome Shannon so we can really get into the topic.

Welcome, Shannon.

How are you today?

I’m fantastic.

8:41

I’m really thrilled to be here, so thanks so much for inviting me of.

Course, we’re really looking forward to this conversation and we’re going to be discussing divorce dollars and how to activate your female genius.

That right there is enough energy for all of us for weeks, I’m sure.

8:59

But first, let me take a couple minutes to introduce you, Shannon.

Shannon, a PCC level ICF accredited coach, curated Activate Your Female Genius as the way for women to have the consistent space to take intentional action in creating their future personally and professionally.

9:18

She has lived experienced with the process and is positioned well to help enact change.

Shannon’s assertion is that women have an innate and powerful knowing of themselves, insight into their passion, purpose and joy.

9:34

However, as we all know, the noise of the world, shame, doubt, hurt, failure, comparison can easily crowd out that space.

That’s incredible for sure.

So before we dive into our topic, Shannon, can you tell our listeners a little bit about your story and journey that created the passion for the work that you do?

9:57

Sure.

So I went through my own divorce personally, and through the process I had a fantastic marriage and family therapist.

And so I was just called to help other women navigate that process and not be defined by divorce.

10:13

So we were in Tampa, FL at the time, my little daughters and I moved to Malvern, PA and I enrolled in a Master’s program to become a marriage and family therapist at the same time that my daughters were seeing snow for the first time.

Making all new friends, learning all new everything, and I’m studying at 2:00 in the morning realizing this is not the best way to go.

10:37

So I paused my work on my Master’s program and turned my eye to coaching instead.

And it went through a year long certification to become a professional certified coach, learn the skills, strategies and became certified in what I and what I love about coaching is I like to say therapy is like looking through the rearview mirror of the car and it’s a lot smaller.

11:00

And coaching is like looking out the dashboard and out that windshield that’s so big.

So coaching is really focused on where we are now and where we want to go.

And therapy absolutely has a place.

Most of my clients also have a therapist, but in turning my eye to coaching, I realized I could still work with women and I could still help them not be defined by divorce.

11:20

That it was the end of something, but it could also be the beginning of something else.

And so then I founded my own company called Love, Strength and Grace.

I worked with women who are navigating divorce, be it something is often my marriage or relationship, women who are going through the thick of it, you know, through the legality or, and women who are coming out the other side and realizing now what like I’m not Mrs. so and so anymore.

11:52

I sidelined maybe these various things of myself for the good of my relationship or the good of my family.

And now that dynamic looks completely different.

So who am I going to be in this next chapter and what do I actually want?

And that’s really what we call like the fun side of it.

12:09

And it’s it can be scary, but it’s also so worth it.

And in doing that, I realized how much of these skills and strategies can be translated to other women and other chapters of life.

Be a career change, empty nester, recalibrating actually how we do our days, even though we have it all.

12:29

Like, why am I not fulfilled?

Who do I actually want to show up as in my daily life?

And so that’s how I really stumbled upon curating this concept of activate your female genius because it can be really applied to each and every one of us.

And I have walked that path myself and found it to be a better way than this settling for fine, this just kind of swimming in the status quo.

12:52

And so I’ve just, I love what I do, whether it’s a one-on-one with a client, whether it’s a podcast like this morning, whether it’s delivering a workshop or running a retreat.

There’s just so many different venues to be able to speak to women who are just kind of, they’re OK, they’re fine, they’re things are meh, but they could be so much better.

13:12

And we all have that innate knowing inside of us.

I got my head is spinning because there’s so many things that I’m, I’m jotting down that I want to back you up and there’s so many things I want to jump here and comment about if I can, if you don’t mind, I’m going to back you up where you said that you went for your masters and you stopped that you said this isn’t right.

13:30

What was not right?

You were not enjoying what you were doing.

Like what was that innate feeling that you had that some of us have, but we don’t move forward to make change?

Yeah, I I loved the work.

And if I had millions and millions of dollars, I would study my whole life like I would be a forever student.

13:49

So it wasn’t that I didn’t like what I was doing.

I very much loved it.

For me, it’s always been very present, this dual competing priorities in my life of being a very present mom and also developing my own sense of self.

And so had I not had my daughters, which I couldn’t imagine, I would have been on that track and stayed with it and plowed through, and the studying at the two in the morning wouldn’t have mattered.

14:12

But being a very present mom, you can’t study at 2:00 in the morning, expect to do well in the material and be up at 6:30 to get people ready and out the door for the bus in the way that I need it.

Like I’m a girl that needs a good 7 1/2 hours, 8 hours of sleep.

14:28

Not everyone’s like that.

But for me personally, the competing priorities that I held and still hold really had me pivot and and made me choose and I chose to be the present mom 1st and find a career that fit into that because that was the primer primary value and still is at the moment.

14:49

Now when they launch and go to college, my days will look very different and those values will shift as they do for all of us throughout our whole life.

But that was the main crux of the reason.

I admire that because you know, I live my life by always pivoting, right?

And I raise my kids to say go for a goal, but you might have to pivot.

15:08

But some people get so stuck in this.

I want to do that.

I want to be the lifetime student and I want to do this first.

And even though it’s not giving the outcome that they want, because you wanted to be a stay at home mom, you were able to pivot.

You listen to yourself and now have a successful career, which is probably the path you should have been on just because you’re thriving.

15:25

So I, I really do admire that you were able to take that step and prioritize for the benefit of your family.

Because in divorce, a lot of people, you know, sit here and say, what am I, this is what I want to do.

But really it’s not realistic.

And you have to be able to say, you know, we go through division scenarios with, with families.

15:43

So when they get their financial portrait, we get to discuss with them different scenarios.

And you know, it can start with what is it that you want?

But let’s talk about what how realistic that is and look at, you know, your next scenario, your next scenario.

So it gives them the opportunity to shift or pivot into what’s the reality.

16:01

Yes.

And that’s, I think pivoting is so key in divorce.

And it’s, it’s actually a great asset and strength to develop within yourself.

Because when we get stuck, whether it’s like a previous chapter of ourselves or something that we really thought we wanted or worked for or cultivated, it can also breed resentment in ourselves when it doesn’t come to fruition.

16:23

Whereas if we have that opportunity and that strength and capability to pivot, we can start to redefine ourselves, rewrite a next chapter.

And that prevents us from getting stuck in that should have to expectations channel that I like to speak of.

Love that both of you are saying that because I’ve experienced it in myself and my children and our clients.

16:45

And I believe and, and correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe that our ability to pivot is our ability to adopt.

That everything that we’ve done up until this moment allows us the strength, the knowledge, everything we need to make a right or a left instead of going forward in a space that is probably not best for us.

17:10

But not because everything we did prior was wrong or a failure, but be.

But because now what we’ve learned, we can change course because of it all.

I completely agree.

And and what comes to mind for me is I often work with clients on identifying why they’re doing something.

17:30

And usually when we peel it back, it comes down to three things.

It’s either the should, like I should do this because of the societal pressure, right?

I should bake the cookies for the classroom.

Whatever, whatever.

I have to like.

17:45

I just, I’ve always done it this way.

I have to keep doing it this way.

I can’t unlearn the story.

Or there’s a set of expectations, either our own or someone else.

My mother-in-law expects that I will be the one that hosts Thanksgiving.

18:01

My brother expects that I’ll show up at my niece’s softball game.

When we can actually identify those are the reasons, and we can rewrite that too.

I can, I want to, I desire, I choose.

Then we may end up doing the same thing.

18:18

You may still find that there’s 50 people in your home for Thanksgiving.

However, you’re going to feel very differently about walking that path than when you’re doing it from the should have to expectation.

So yes, that ability to pivot is to recognize I don’t have to do something based on an old version of myself, and the old version of myself helped me get to this moment where I can do things differently.

18:42

I can rewrite some of the things that I had I put in place.

You know that goes a lot with the guilt we all carry, right?

They call it called the Catholic guilt or the Irish guilt.

Everyone calls it whatever it is.

But you know, we do have this guilt of not meeting others expectations.

19:00

And it really changes though throughout your years.

You know, you can remember in your 20s you’re competing with your friends, your 30s you want the same house your friends have and you want your kids to go to the same prep school your friends go to.

Then in your 40s it’s more, it’s starting to circle back to you again, but it’s about your relationship.

19:17

And in the 50s you just want to be happy and you give 2 shits what other people think about you.

And now I’m going to hit into 60s and who knows how it’s going to feel then.

But you know, is it also an age thing?

It’s a great question.

I think it’s for me personally, it was like a training.

19:35

This is how things should be.

And so we write those stories and we set those goals in place and then we’re driving towards those.

And if something changes along the way, it’s like, oh, wait a second.

And we’re still pursuing that.

For those of us that are really driven women, it’s like, wow, I’m just going to keep going, keep going no matter what.

19:53

But those could be actual opportunities to recalibrate and and actually see, but I love the chapters that you mentioned and I see that with women often.

We do that work.

We go back to like reflect on who you were in this chapter, reflect on who you were, who did, what did she love to do?

20:09

What did you sign sideline that maybe was for the benefit of your career at the time or the benefit of raising kids, but that part of you actually needs more space.

And so we bring that back in and those are the beautiful opportunities that I see women.

Who really want to like dig in and do it differently.

20:26

That’s where I see like their whole world kind of open up.

How do you get?

Some I’m sorry, Karen, am I in you know, I’m telling you you’re on a.

Roll, I told.

You, I said.

I.

Heard, you know, the female genius and activating yourself, You know I said in the beginning, you know I’m going to go rogue on this, right?

20:48

Not be Karen.

I’m going.

On too much, but you know, in divorce, Karen and I often say in, in the MD’s method in our process, it’s really empowering for us as two female founders and we’ve pivoted it along the way for our company for the benefit of the users, right.

21:05

But it’s always the best reward for MD’s I think and anyone that works with us when they when we see our clients.

Come in.

Really afraid of the finances or embarrassed about their role in handling the finances, even as it comes to talking about your expenses to uploading a document, right?

21:26

Their insecurities.

And it’s really inspiring to say I use this like moving scale all the time to see them start here and then you know, their confidence grows And by the time they’re going through our process and complete, they’re able to advocate for themselves with their other professionals, their coaches, their attorneys.

21:44

And that’s a very empowering thing.

But it’s really hard for them to accept that that’s that they should not feel guilty or that they should take this step to get this confidence that everyone should have right And I’m.

Guessing in their.

22:00

Their, their marriage, the whole time during their marriage, they kind of wanted this information but didn’t know how to go get it, you know, So you know, how, how do you work with people to say, you know, you, you deserve this and you know, you’re not dumb and you, you don’t have to excuse yourself to want the knowledge, no.

22:22

I think it’s about stepping into like the the present moment in the current reality and identifying how they do feel.

Do you feel embarrassed?

Do you feel less than?

Do you feel like you were bastarding this part of the relationship and someone else was mastering this part?

22:39

Like what’s behind that?

So we have to surface those feelings first because there’s such a strong link between our thoughts, our feelings and our actions.

So if I think, well, the finances aren’t my thing and I’m terrible at finances, then I start to feel really inadequate when we’re sitting down with a spreadsheet or if I think, or I’ve been told you overspend, all you do is rack up credit card bills.

23:06

Then when I have to turn in my documentation, I feel awful because I feel guilty for spending the way that I do.

And then my actions mirror those two things.

I sit with my arms crossed.

I’m nervous in the meeting.

23:23

I just want it over as quickly as possible.

Maybe I forgo assets or decisions that are actually to my benefit or my children’s benefit because I’m too scared to sit at the table or go toe to toe or ask questions.

So that link between our thoughts, our feelings and our actions is usually where I start.

23:41

We on earth.

What are those messages that are playing in your head?

What are the feelings that are surfacing for you?

And we dig into that and then it’s, how would you rather feel and what are the steps that we’re going to take?

What are the mile markers on that path that are going to get you in that space?

Because these are 1° pivots.

23:57

Like we don’t all the sudden go from feeling ashamed about overspending to being a rock star sitting at the table and making decisions.

But we can do these 1° pivots where we are strengthening that muscle, We are standing up for ourselves.

We do have boundaries in place.

24:13

We have a narrative that represents who we are as a person.

And we’re not defined just by one or two labels.

So that’s, that’s part of the process of how we get them from there to here.

Because I, I wholeheartedly agree with you that that ramp up and confidence and that ramp up and empowerment is a beautiful thing to witness.

24:36

It is and what I feel.

There’s another set of emotions to that some people can experience and that those are resentment because they didn’t choose it, but now they’re left with it.

24:52

And they have been confident, fearless people and now they’re broken.

They don’t, they’ve lost their friends, they’ve lost their kids because they’re such strong individuals.

But you go into the divorce arena and they’re, they have challenges kind of unpacking all of those emotions because then they want to, you know, their responses revenge more than what’s best for me.

25:23

And so I’m doing all of that and understanding a really good path forward even amidst all of the chaos and unknowns and people, more people failing you, you know, the legal industry failing you and finding sure footing.

25:41

I feel a lot of people go through that whole.

Journey as.

Well, are you talking about?

The people that don’t choose to get divorced, that it’s chosen for them, yeah.

That yeah, even though they’re strong and even though they may have been the financial managers, and even though, you know, they have been that strong person throughout their marriage, when something like divorce happens, it can break them down in ways that they could never anticipate because they’ve always been the one in charge.

26:14

And in divorce, we all know you’re not in charge.

You can be in the know and you can make good decisions for yourself, but sometimes you’re not in charge.

Yeah.

And I see that time and time again with clients where it just takes it takes their legs out from under them.

26:33

Yeah, it can really.

Their ego, their self worth, their esteem can just be completely wiped out with someone else, with their partner just making a decision like this and whatever that looks like.

26:51

And so it takes a lot of space, and that’s what coaching is, as you both know.

It’s holding the space for that client to come and really work through all of that, which is unfolding amidst the chaos of divorce.

27:07

Because we, as we all know, there’s multiple buckets there, right?

It’s if you have kids, getting them grounded and OK, there’s the financial aspect, the legal aspect, the emotional aspect, the physical, who’s living where aspect, the holidays.

And there’s just so much there to unpack.

27:24

And if our esteem and our ego are completely wiped out, sometimes we are left in this swirl, not even like sure footing, not even knowing how to stand up and make some of these choices and decisions because the emotions are weighing us down so very much.

27:42

So we do a lot of work with acknowledging and validating the emotions, digging into where they’re coming from, why they’re present and time, like giving some time and space between feeling the emotion and making a decision or acting out out of resentment or anger or sadness.

27:59

Because that space is really important.

Because like you said, most often if we’re making the decision from a place of anger or revenge, it’s not ultimately who we are or who we want to be.

So why show up like that in the divorce process?

28:16

Like that’s, that’s just not the seed that we want to plant for ourselves or anyone else for that matter.

How do you work with individuals to get kind of to the point of what Karen’s saying?

Part of the resentment is where everybody wants their justice, right?

28:33

So carry that resentment and they think that, you know, they’re going to get their justice in the court system.

And like Karen also said earlier is that, you know, the system fails us and it does every single day.

So how do you get them to move through the I have to just start sticking up for myself here and and for us?

28:53

It’s the scenarios, right?

It’s doing the budget work.

It’s taking control of your documents that you have.

And then it’s going through the scenarios for what your wants are and what the realistic approach actually looks like so that you can have that realization through there.

But you know, they still have that.

29:09

I’m going to get, you know, isn’t a judge going to tell me this?

Won’t my attorney get me this, you know?

Absolutely.

So it’s twofold.

It’s the heart and the head.

So it’s the cognitive and the emotional.

And we want to address both of those pillars because if I work with 10 clients today, half of them will lead with their head and half of them will lead with their heart.

29:30

And so we need to 1st find out which leads for you when you have a decision to make, which do you typically lean into.

And usually there is a primary for each of us.

So it’s finding that out first and then we want to reconcile each of those.

And some of that is an education process.

29:46

So it’s a level set of your lawyer isn’t going to get you anything.

You don’t have to expect that the court is going to make this OK or fair.

Maybe this will never be OK in your eyes.

So the acceptance piece of what has happened and what is is huge.

30:06

And that looks like Mount Everest for a lot of clients at 1st.

And it was for me too, personally.

Like how can this ever be OK?

And we search for something to make it OK, whether it’s this or that or the next thing.

Like it’s just not there.

30:23

It comes from within us and it comes in the form of acceptance.

So there’s that piece of the education.

There isn’t an external source that’s going to heal the wound or the hurt that you feel.

It’s just not going to happen.

30:39

Then cognitively, we have to look at the choices that are in front of us, and we have to rerun and recalibrate what we thought like it’s a simple math equation.

What used to fund 1 is now potentially going to be split into two.

Life probably will not look the same.

30:57

And those are very hard truths to speak and to hear.

But when we have this space with trusted professionals like yourself or myself, and we can hold the space for that client, for the emotional upset that they feel and shore up the cognitive real stuff.

31:16

That’s.

Going on, that’s the delicate blend in all of this, but it’s such a service to our clients to be able to do this because when there’s professionals that are promising, well, we can get you this or we can strive for this.

That’s where we set an expectation, not only that the dollar amounts going to come in, but that dollar amount, it doesn’t fill that hole.

31:39

It just doesn’t like you can see people get payouts or more than they deserve and they’re still resentment there.

There’s still anger there.

There’s still injustice there because it, it’s not an equal scale, if you know what I mean.

31:54

And and then maybe you guys could speak to that too.

I don’t know if you see similar or different, but I think it’s really an education time and it’s a time to hold the space for yeah, you’re allowed to feel angry, you’re allowed to feel upset.

You worked for this scenario and now it doesn’t exist anymore.

32:10

So now we have to do things differently and, and those are really hard moments.

Yeah, I mean, we love when they work with their coaches, but for us, it’s turning that everybody has an emotional value to every asset and every debt.

Nobody speaks about that, but the MD’s process does.

32:26

So we turn emotional decisions into database decisions.

And that’s our role.

We stick right in our lane.

We’re not going to talk about working on their future and all of that.

That’s your role.

But for us, we, we hear them, we give them the space to tell us what they’re thinking about their assets and debts and anything else.

32:44

But we turn their focus into the data.

So it’s a data-driven and with data different process.

But we don’t ever tell them what to do.

We might give them our opinion if they ask for it.

You know, what would we do if we were doing that?

33:00

But we never tell them what to do.

But we, we equip them with so much financial knowledge that they know what to do.

They know.

They know what they’re.

Going to be.

That’s amazing, yeah.

I love that you say that because first of all, I, I agree.

And that is exactly why we built our company.

33:18

But it also, Shannon, to your point, I, I love that you said you have to do the work yourself so that you can do this other work.

Because if you’re navigating divorce and you haven’t come into your own right, if you haven’t adopted who you are and what you want and why you’re making the decisions that you’re making, you do get distracted in the court system.

33:46

You do get distracted with your spouse’s behavior or your family’s behavior or your neighbor’s behavior.

And so then that becomes chaos when trying to navigate.

But to your point, if you can figure out who you are and what you want, then it allows you the ability to do the work of knowing what’s divisible for you.

34:09

And then where do I want to spend my money, right, and not get distracted by all these extraneous forces?

Because that’s exactly what they are.

And sometimes it’s important that people just need to hold tight and stand their ground.

34:25

And sometimes it’s better for them to walk away.

And that choice is their personal choice.

But being able to make that from a space of knowing emotionally and cognitively, as you said I, that’s powerful.

And a lot of times we’re building the plane as it’s as it’s being flown.

34:45

We don’t always have the luxury of being really solid before the divorce or be having that space.

You know, there’s no time out specifically for that.

And so that’s what I love about coaching is it’s that weekly dedicated space to do that amidst the chaos.

35:02

I received two really great pieces of advice when I was going through my own divorce.

One is be careful how you show up in the process because who you are will be who you become.

So if I’m only centered on the finances or I’m only centered on my anger, that can become my new chapter and become my new life because I’m only centered on those things.

35:32

The divorce chapter will end like it feels like it drags on forever for some of my clients, but there is an endpoint.

And then it’s up to you to build the next chapter of your life and what your future looks like going forward.

So that advice about be careful how you show up now I think was really impactful for me.

35:53

And the second piece is really in line with that.

It’s, it’s how you do anything.

It’s how you do everything.

So you, you just want to be really careful as you’re walking this divorce process that it doesn’t suck you in and change you as a person, doesn’t make you into the resentful or only money hungry or only angry, or that it’s always going to be this victim mentality.

36:16

So those two things, oh, were very helpful for me and I, and I hope helpful for my clients to just pull us back out.

Like we’re allowed to have those feelings.

We’re allowed to be frustrated that this is the way that it is or hurt or angry or sad.

We’re allowed to have all of those.

36:32

And then we need to move into the next space.

OK, well, you know, I always talk about the takeaways from our podcast and those were two fabulous takeaways.

If you’re listening, you know, I, I, I show up how you want to be perceived and how you want to be is so true.

36:49

And the other takeaways I have from this, it’s been a great conversation is number one.

Are you leading with your head or your heart?

So you need to figure that out and work with your coach Shannon, you have that really nailed and I think that’s really important.

How are you, how are you behaving?

37:05

Are you leading with your, are you the person that leads with your head or your heart?

And if you figure that out, it will help you show up the way you want to show up.

Another one is in order to do that, you’ll activate your courage, which I love.

But the, I think one of the most important things that you said, not the most important things that you said, but one of the things that I really resonated with is it’s a 1° pivot.

37:26

It’s not you’re going to pivot all the way.

You’re going to take 1° at a time.

And if you can, if you’re listening, if you can write that down.

I only need to pivot 1% or 1° at a time.

That puts everything at a OK, I can exhale.

37:44

I don’t have to change totally overnight.

I can just pivot 1° and I should be really proud of myself if I’m able to do that.

So those are my takeaways.

If you have different takeaways, please let us know.

And just a quick add on to that, I always use the like, I’m huge on analogies and metaphors.

38:00

My clients are either like on board with me or they just laugh because I come up with them all the time.

But like for that 1° pivot, I always use an airplane analogy.

If I’m flying from Tampa to Boston, the plane does not shoot up 10,000 feet in the air and automatically head towards Boston.

38:17

It’s that it’s that slow ascend and then 1° pivots along the route the whole time, and that makes for the smoother ride than if we were to jolt into these like huge shifts.

And that’s not to say there aren’t edges of growth where we all the sudden are like taking a leap, but these 1° pivots are where we really build our sense of self again and get that grounding underneath us.

38:40

Wow.

That’s excellent.

Shannon, can you can you share with our audience how they can learn more about you and your work?

Sure.

Absolutely.

So my website’s probably the best way to read some client testimonials to understand a little bit more about my story and the work that I do.

38:59

It’s Love, Strength and grace.com, and those words are all written out.

I am also on Instagram, but there’s a free journal resource on my website and you can also listen to other podcasts that I’ve been on.

39:14

Like I said, you can read to client testimonials and then you can also reach out to me directly there via my website oryoucouldshootmeanemailitsshannon@lovestrengthandgrace.com.

That’s great.

And remember, divorce does not define who you are.

It’s a part of your process.

39:31

It’s not your whole life.

It’s just a part of your story.

And so working with Shannon and getting this work done will really lead you to live the best of your life.

This concludes this episode.

Divorce Dollars and How to Activate Your Female Genius.

39:49

Did I get that right?

Yes, you did.

Thank, thank.

You Shannon, for a great conversation.

Thank you both.

For having me, it was really great to spend the morning with you.

Thanks for.

Joining us on another episode of We Chat Divorce, we hope this episode was informative and supportive on your divorce journey.

40:09

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