Thanksgiving, Money, and Divorce: How to Navigate the Holidays With Clarity Instead of Crisis

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Welcome to WeChat Divorce, hosted by Karen Chellew, Legal Liaison and Catherine Shanahan, CDFA.

Each episode we sit down with divorce professionals and industry experts to provide insights and frank discussions about real people, real situations, and real divorce to help you achieve your best life post divorce.

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This episode of We Chat Divorce is brought to you by My Divorce Solution, offering divorce financial planning so clients can secure the divorce settlement they deserve.

Visit azure-emu-499854.hostingersite.com/ to request access.

If you’re passing the mashed potatoes while secretly wondering how you’ll afford the same table next year, you’re not alone.

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Or maybe you’re hosting Thanksgiving with a spouse that you’re hoping not to be with next year.

You know the holidays don’t pause the divorce.

In fact, money stress often spikes this time of year, hence January being divorce month.

But let’s talk about how you can best navigate through this holiday season.

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Welcome back to We Chat Divorce, where we demystify the financial side of divorce and help you replace fear with facts.

I’m Karen Shellew, legal Liaison and Co founder of My Divorce Solution, here to help you navigate the legal process with confidence.

And I’m Catherine Shanahan, the other Co founder and certified divorce financial analyst.

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I’m also your partner in creating financial clarity through every stage of divorce.

Together, we help you move from confusion to control, because clarity is power.

In today’s Divorce Explored episode, we’re breaking down Thanksgiving money and divorce.

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How to survive the holidays without blowing up your budget or your case so.

Let’s get into it.

Thanksgiving is stressful, So is Christmas, So is Hanukkah.

So is the whole holiday season.

And I I think people get stuck, stressed and overwhelmed.

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Yeah, I can really remember just wanting to get through the holidays, almost wishing them away and not really being present in the moment because you’re so concerned about making it the best last Thanksgiving for your children, the best last Christmas for your children.

But there’s so much stress involved with that because you’re you’re pretending and you just want it to be over.

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So maybe we can just give you some insights or some tips today to help you get through Thanksgiving and prepare for the next holiday that you have on your calendar.

Yeah, for me, I don’t think I had the heads up that of the last holiday season.

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I found myself in the middle of a holiday season just feeling lost, alone and very overwhelmed and stressed.

Yeah, and, you know, some, most times, not all the times, but most times, divorce just doesn’t happen overnight.

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Like, oh, this is the year I’m getting divorced.

It is, you know, when you’re in a 20 year relationship or a 30 year relationship or a 10 year relationship, divorce has come across your mind a few times probably whether you’re thinking it or wishing it or not expecting it, that word is used or that thought process comes through our minds.

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So every holiday you’re sitting there like, Oh my gosh, another holiday of doing this.

And I can remember, you know, doing Thanksgiving, like, I can’t put up with this again because doing all the cooking, all the cleaning and not having someone to help you, you know, was really stressful and sad.

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I can remember a lot of sad holidays.

I never showed that outwardly because, you know, I had all those kids and you want to make it the best holiday for them.

But I can remember afterwards when everyone is off doing their thing, especially Thanksgiving, because when your kids are older, they go off with their friends a lot of times, or their friends come over.

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And if you don’t have family and friends around because you’re the one hosting or you’re the one taking care of everyone’s needs, it becomes the point that night that you’re lonely.

And I can remember like, just going upstairs and crying, like, Oh my gosh, I’m all by myself here and I’m tired.

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You know, we’re all so tired.

Thanksgiving is probably one of the most exhausting holidays for the person who hosts.

Yeah, for sure.

And you know, there’s a lot of emotional pressure of just keeping up their tradition, the traditions.

And sometimes when you’re going through a divorce where you had access to cash or resources before, you don’t now.

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So, you know, how do I best spend my money during this time because I may have a long road ahead of me, even though that there should be enough resources.

How often do we have clients that should have access to, you know, continue their lifestyle that just do not unless they’re pulling out the credit card, which can make it very difficult for them as well?

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Yeah, because they do that overspending because they want to make it the best last Thanksgiving, right?

So let’s buy more groceries.

Let’s either travel, let’s get gifts even because we won’t see one of the kids at Christmas time or a family member at Christmas time.

So a lot of times, Thanksgiving can feel like Christmas to some people and you want to keep the peace, right?

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But you have to remember that if you’re using that credit card, that’s marital debt.

If you’re not separated yet and you have not even broached the conversation yet of wanting to get separated, any debt you incur during this holiday is going to probably end up being marital.

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So be careful.

Yeah, that is tip #1 reframe the holiday.

Know your real cash flow and what it means to your marital estate, what’s coming in, what’s going out, what you can reasonably afford.

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And sometimes that is a discussion with your financial team and your attorney to just to set yourself and position yourself for really good informed decisions.

Because you do need to know what accounts are marital and separate and how swiping those certain credit cards or your spouse certain credit cards impacts the big picture.

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Yeah, this is, you know, this is hard.

I mean, I, I know that we’re on here today because we really want to wish you all a happy Thanksgiving and we want you to enjoy the holiday.

But we also want you to be, you know, eyes wide open on what it could look like for you financially, first of the year.

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I know here at MD’s, you know, our role is to help you have that financial clarity that you need.

And we are very busy in December and January.

So everyone’s starting to get prepared and like we said earlier, get through these last holidays.

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But let’s be mindful of the steps that we’re taking because it really will matter how you start.

The really will matter for your outcome, how you start the divorce process.

So while you’re preparing for the holiday, you know, get prepared yourself, you know, start thinking about your cash flow, start thinking about what your expenses actually are, start thinking about statements coming in.

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And even if you don’t understand them, I should start gathering this information.

Because the more information you gather, the better off we can prepare you to move through the process, not easily, but more informed because divorce is never easy.

No matter what anyone says, this is not an easy process and it could be quite overwhelming.

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So when we can have you start preparing and we can put together your financial portrait, you’re going to know the impact of the decisions you’re going to make moving forward to make your next Thanksgiving totally different and and acceptable and probably somewhat exciting because divorce is not the end.

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It’s just a part of your story.

That’s so true and the holidays do exacerbate, elevate that emotional stress.

So the more you can know and the more you can have.

Knowing just helps keep you grounded so you can navigate the holidays as.

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Well, as possible.

You just said something, Karen.

Isn’t wasn’t that a commercial?

The more you know, I I don’t know who it was for.

Yeah, it was.

It was on a Yeah.

Boy, does that hit me hard with our clients.

You know, the more you know, you know they might, it might be information that you wish you didn’t know because it’s not going in the favor that you’re in your favor or how you want it to do how you wanted it to do.

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I’m sorry, I’m getting a little tongue tied today.

But the more you know, the better off you are, good, bad or indifferent because then you make really smart decisions for yourself.

So getting this information is really helping you get prepared.

For sure, and helps you not get distracted with all of the emotional drama because you can always come back to what matters.

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I mean, you still have to deal with it, but you can deal with it in a different way.

You understand how the emotional pieces of it impact the divorce, and typically they impact the divorce less than what most people really understand.

So just the fact of knowing really, really helps.

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Yeah.

And I can recall a few stories from clients about Thanksgiving in particular.

You know, they had their family tradition and typically you’re going to your spouse’s family, right, or you’re alternating.

And a lot of our long term marriages, you know, you have good relationships with your spouse’s family because you’ve been with them for so long.

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I mean, some of you don’t have good relationships, so I get that.

But All in all, most people establish some kind of relationship.

And one of one of the aspects to divorce is that you might lose that relationship, which is a sad thing to realize.

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Or you’re not going to be with your children at every holiday anymore.

You’re going to be alternating the holidays.

And so you might be sitting here getting sad because you’re thinking, this is my last Thanksgiving, not before a divorce, but for the rest of your life.

It’s never going to be the same, but I want you to know that you can create a really great new holiday for yourself and your children and your family.

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And if you go through the process in a streamlined way or an informed way, maybe those relationships won’t break down.

Maybe there will be some type of amicable relationship you can carry forward, which is another reason why I think it really matters how you start and move through the process.

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At My Divorce Solution, we help you replace fear with facts.

If you're feeling stuck, uncertain, or just ready to understand your financial reality, visit azure-emu-499854.hostingersite.com/ to learn how the MD's financial portrait can help you make informed, confident decisions during the holidays and beyond.

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Before we wrap up, we want to invite you to join us inside our free online community.

We’re hosting a live Q&A where you can bring your questions and get clear, honest guidance right from us.

Join us on December 1st from 4:00 PM to 5:00 PM Eastern Standard Time and we’ll put that link to join in the show notes.

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And if today’s episode resonated with you, like, follow and share it with someone who needs to hear it this Thanksgiving season.

Until next time, from Karen, myself, and the entire MD’s team, we wish you all a very happy Thanksgiving.

Thanks for joining us on another episode of We Chat Divorce.

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We hope this episode was informative and supportive on your divorce journey.

If you're looking for more support for navigating divorce with confidence and clarity, head over to azure-emu-499854.hostingersite.com/ for more podcast episodes, divorce events, and resources for your divorce.

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We’ll see you back here for our next episode.