Rebranding Divorce: Post-Divorce Growth Cycle, Money Confidence & Self-Care

0:01

Welcome to WeChat Divorce, hosted by Karen Chellew, Legal Liaison and Catherine Shanahan, CDFA.

Each episode we sit down with divorced professionals and industry experts to provide insights and frank discussions about real people, real situations, and real divorce to help you achieve your best life post divorce.

0:39

Welcome back to WeChat Divorce, brought to you by My Divorce Solution.

I’m Karen Chellew, your legal liaison, helping you move through the divorce process with clarity and confidence.

And I’m Catherine Shanahan, a certified divorce financial Analyst and your partner in gaining financial clarity during the process and my divorce solution.

0:56

We believe that your next chapter begins with knowing your truth emotionally and financially.

So today, Karen, we’re talking to coaches, 2 coaches.

They did a post divorce kind of growth cycle course.

Yeah.

I think based on their personal experience, they’ve created this platform to help people navigate post divorce.

1:16

I think that people during the divorce engage with them as well, just like people kind of reset their mindset of how to process money and self-care.

Yeah.

And you know, I believe that if you make bad decisions during your divorce process, it’s really hard to move on past it post divorce.

1:36

So it’s a good cycle to come through our process and then you’ll be able to move on post divorce into a group like this with financial clarity and new a new springboard for your finances post divorce and then deal with the emotional side of it.

Yeah, move everything forward together.

1:53

Carolyn and Mimi, our guest today know that space post divorce all too well.

The in between where so many women get stuck after divorce.

They’re here to help us explore what it takes to move beyond survival and into a more powerful purpose driven next chapter.

OK, well let’s let’s see how this goes.

2:13

We’re thrilled to welcome Carolyn Billiak and Mimi Sullivan, the Co founders of Rebranding Divorce, a coaching and resource hub helping women build, reclaim and reclaim and redefine their lives after divorce.

Together, they’ve created the Post Divorce Growth Cycle, a powerful framework designed to help women move beyond survival into confidence, purpose, and financial independence.

2:37

With a mix of straight talk, compassion, and real world experience, they’re helping women stop waiting for life to begin and start creating it.

Wow, we’re going to have such a great conversation today.

I’m so excited.

So Carolyn Mimi, welcome again.

And for those who may not know you yet, can you start by sharing what led you to build this community and why rebranding divorce is such a passion for you both?

3:01

Yeah, well, we love to talk about rebranding divorce, so this is a great way for us to kick off the podcast.

Carol and I have actually known each other for decades.

Like, we met sitting outside ballet when our daughters were like 4 and they’re not much, much older.

3:17

And not even knowing it.

Our marriages were kind of following the same trajectory and they both started dissolving at the same time.

And so we were going through our own journey of what comes next.

Who am I now?

How do I put my life back together?

How do I make this a safe pace for my kids?

3:34

And for me, I was like, aunt, how do I manage this financially?

My husband battled addiction issues and have been unemployed for years, so our finances were a hot mess.

So I was like, if I could just get my money straight, everything will be great.

Carolyn was taking a different path.

She’s like, how do I take care of herself, of me as a person?

3:52

And she dove deep into self-care at a really internal and external level, which when we started talking to each other about what we were doing, I was like, that sounds like such a luxury.

Like, do I have time for that?

But I think that’s what I need.

And she was like, Oh my gosh, my finances are a mess.

All I need is another $1000 a month and everything will be perfect.

4:09

And I’m like, oh, girlfriend, let’s dream bigger for you.

And so we really found that kind of building that community for ourselves and thinking about what we wanted and what we needed.

I kind of fast tracked our healing and our like moving forward and understanding who we were.

4:25

And so we’re like, this is such good stuff that we’ve learned.

It took us years solo and then a few years together to do it.

It’s like, how do we package this and teach it to other people?

And so that’s kind of how the post divorce growth cycle and rebranding divorce came about.

They were like true products of what we were working and what we knew worked for us.

4:43

And so when we started talking to one or two people, they’re like, Oh my gosh, this is exactly what I needed.

And it just grew from there.

Well, it’s so fortunate that the two of you met each other because going through the process, of course, Karen and I have gone through too, There’s a vulnerability that you’re afraid to have because now all of a sudden this life that you were portraying is not that you can’t reconcile it in your brain.

5:05

So to share that with other people is so super scary.

So the fact that you 2 are led to each other and you were able to be vulnerable with each other is to the benefit of everybody else right now that you work with.

So that’s, that’s great that you were able to act on that and trust in that.

Yeah, absolutely.

5:21

I think when we were, I know for myself, and I think I can speak for you, Mimi, probably most divorced women, when your world is falling apart and you have spent years probably trying to put up a facade, you know things aren’t great, but you’re hoping it might get better, whatever that is.

And now it’s all fallen apart.

You feel so raw and exposed and trying to come to terms with yourself, like you said, and make your friends, understand family and then your kids and their social circles.

5:44

It all feels very overwhelming.

And sometimes the reaction you get back isn’t super helpful.

Like there’s people people who want to get all the details or people who want to sort of almost keep you in that energy of anger or revenge because that’s, that’s their experience or that’s where they’re coming from or that’s where they’re trying to wrap their heads around, but it’s not helpful.

6:09

So really by working with Mimi, it was such a gift and we saw a different alternative like, oh, all this stuff out here feels very like, guess what he did now or I’ve got no money now or like really in the negative energy.

Well, what, what else could it be, right?

6:26

Like, I’m not going to stay here.

That’s what’s my determination.

I’m not going to stay in this energy.

So what else is next?

And we didn’t find it.

So really, like Mimi said, we went out and created it.

And it’s been so rewarding and so healing for us to help other women, like, really create a life that feels great after divorce.

6:42

Yeah, you know, Karen and I are a little similar in in some fashion, but you know, I was a financial advisor and so and so was my ex.

And so we really didn’t have a financial issue.

I negotiated for us and he kind of went along with it and it was to my benefit.

But I thought it was all about helping women just be financially clear.

7:01

And it is true that it is that.

But then when meeting Karen, I was able to talk to her and share.

I mean, Karen knows everything about me.

It’s kind of scary, but able to give her my agreement and let her look at it and really her pointing out just the holes in my agreement because I was so secure financially, I didn’t even think that the language mattered.

7:20

I just thought every attorney puts everything in there to protect you.

And so she discovered the holes.

And so our process is able to make sure that you have all the documentation to verify everything.

You are financially clear because you’re it’s backed on data, not your emotions.

7:35

And I wouldn’t have been able to create that without her because I just didn’t have that vision, you know, I didn’t think of it like that.

And her on the flip side, I guess you can add to that Karen.

Yeah, yeah.

On the flip side, I was very deficient in financial clarity.

My history was in working in law firms and all of, you know, litigation and the industry itself.

7:57

And so when I met Catherine, she is so proficient financially that, you know, she thought, well, it’s common sense.

Well, frankly, it’s not common sense.

And she would say it’s not rocket science.

And I always tell her to this day, actually it is rocket science.

8:14

It actually is.

So we have been that.

Debate yesterday.

What?

I think we had that debate yesterday.

I’m like, Oh my God, this is so common sense.

How can an attorney not see this?

And Karen’s like.

It’s not.

It’s not especially in the industry.

8:31

And Carolyn, I love what you said or I appreciate what you said about getting out of the negativity, right?

That energy that draws us down into this quicksand and you can’t move.

And I think the industry itself lends, lends itself to that, right?

8:49

You get stuck, you don’t know what to do, where to go.

And so the more you can lift yourself up out of that negativity and isolation, and you do that by what you all are doing and, and getting clear so that you can move forward so that when you have to engage there, you can come at it from a different angle.

9:07

And I love, love, love that you said that.

Yeah, absolutely.

And I love what you guys are saying.

You’re so mirroring our commitment to women do better in community, right?

Like you’re thinking the finances are not rocket science when you know caring.

You’re like, I don’t know anything about this or it’s a very mysterious to me.

9:25

Mimi and I had the same situation.

Why are you investing in your own lane?

When I say self-care, it was like meditation and really deep.

It wasn’t just massages, which I’m a fan of, but.

I was, yeah.

I need one as an RFAT.

That’s a good point.

I know instinctively that if I really take care of myself really well, my kids are going to benefit, my job is going to benefit, my finances are going to benefit, you know, things are going to feed off of that.

9:51

And Mimi knew that, like, me wanting $1000 a month was just the beginning, you know, and that my mindset could be so different around it.

So in community, we allowed each other to heal in a really profoundly beautiful way, but also accelerated our healing, like, really pulled us out of that overwhelm of where do I even start?

10:09

How do I get to know everything I need to know?

You know, you don’t have to.

You don’t have to know it all yourself.

Yeah, that’s true.

You’re never going to know it all yourself.

You know, we have a lot of executives that come through our process and they are smart running big companies.

But when it’s your divorce, you are.

10:26

I can remember saying to one, listen, I have to be the CEO here.

You, you know, her vision of everything wasn’t how divorce was looked at.

It was her logistics of what she thought should happen moving forward, which logistically sounded good, but it doesn’t work that way.

And so women have a, especially our executive women, they have a hard time grasping that because they want everyone moving at their pace, doing what they’re saying doing, you know, but they don’t have the real financial clarity that they need to make good decisions for themselves.

10:52

And a lot of that has to do with compromising someplace.

Yeah, absolutely.

Do you find that it’s really this is another thing we talk about a lot.

I feel like when somebody has financial clarity, whether it’s good, bad or indifferent, what your financial situation is, you know, it’s never too late to change your story with money, but your relationship with money.

11:12

But do you find that the people who actually do get this clarity and they understand what they’re signing off on or asking for and so they’re financially confident, they have a better time establishing a life post divorce rather So they’re not living with regret.

11:28

They did everything because we we run into so many people said, I wish I met you five years ago.

Oh my gosh, I wish I met you.

I made a big mistake and we’ve looked at big mistakes.

And so those people kind of live in that negativity or that negative world of, Oh my gosh, I just can’t get over it.

11:43

I can’t get over that I didn’t have.

I’m in a different space right now.

And the women who in particular, oh man, we have a lot of men clients who come through our process act differently at the end of our process than they do in the beginning.

I feel like they will have a better chance of moving on with their lives.

Yeah.

11:58

And I want to say this is that really is, was the genesis for the post war growth cycle because all the different areas of your life feed in.

So if you think about I, I think why people struggle and especially maybe executive women, but I, I think all women is you’re losing that like piece of identity that you had held onto of like this is who I am.

12:17

I’ve got all the components of my life set and they’re working.

And so all of a sudden something’s failed.

It’s not working.

I didn’t do my job.

So you really lose the sense of who you are.

And that confidence and lack of clarity about who you are translates into all the different areas of your life.

12:34

So when you start to put the pieces of it together.

So when you start to get financial clarity, that builds your confidence in who you are.

So that piece, the other like the post divorce growth cycle is authentic self like who you are, radical self-care, money, confidence and healthy relationships.

12:50

So when you’re start to build clarity and confidence in one area, it feeds into the other areas.

So when you start to get take care of yourself and know what your sense of self worth is, that feeds into asking for a raise, demanding more in your divorce settlement.

13:05

You know, like that real understanding of I, I’m worthy just as I am.

I don’t have to, my husband doesn’t have to tell me my worthy.

My, his divorce attorney doesn’t have to tell me I’m worthy.

And and then it’s like that helps me be stronger in relationships and have boundaries and expect more from other people for me, because I expect more for myself.

13:26

So yeah, I definitely think like building clarity and confidence in money helps all the other areas of your life.

And that’s why we made it a cycle because the probably for you, the people that you work with, the first step is I didn’t even want to look at my money.

Like not only do I not know what my money is doing, I don’t even want to, I don’t know how to access my bank account.

13:48

I don’t want to open a bill.

You know, it’s like they really have blinders on.

So when we teach money confidence, we talk with first year Lower.

You know your response to money and your emotions to money.

What was that dude?

What with your responses?

14:03

I miss that.

You really have to work on like what your nervous system is more so that the minute you hear like, oh, we’re going to talk about your money, like anxiety builds up and anxiousness and fear, shame.

You know that I’m in this situation.

All of the negative things because we teach like we think money is math, which it is, but it also is a huge part emotion and history and how our parents dealt with money.

14:28

So we really focus on that piece of just building that sense of I can look at my money.

I can understand money.

I know that for generations the language of money has not been for women, but I’m ready to bring that back for myself.

I’m glad that you talk about that.

14:44

You know, Karen probably knows what I’m going to say right now.

But if you invite me to a party with you and 20 of your best girlfriends and I say, hey, everyone, let’s talk about your finances, they will run to get their next glass of wine.

But if I say let’s talk about sex, they all sit right there.

Money just scatters everybody away from anywhere.

15:02

And I was fortunate enough, and I thank my dad for this every day.

He owned an accounting firm.

He was an accountant.

And there were four girls and one boy.

But he said to us four girls from the time we’re tiny, you will never be dependent on a man.

You girls will be able to be independent.

And my mom, who was a stay at home mom, they got married so young.

15:20

She handled all the finances.

She gave him an allowance every week like she didn’t work out of the home.

So we grew up seeing that, you know, we would laugh.

We would chuckle about it because his allowance, you know, he’d stalk it away, you know, or he’d say to my mom, here’s a little bit of money to go see Catherine, you know, meanwhile, my mom had control of all the money.

15:35

But you know, so we just grew up never fearing that conversation, always talk about it, always be secure.

So I know I’m fortunate in that regard because and I raise my kids like that just because I think that’s where it starts.

The younger we can start with individuals, the better it is.

15:52

Because I think most of us have socialized that it’s rude to talk about money and that there’s shame attached to money since we’re all siloed and we don’t know anybody else’s financial situation.

Or everybody’s like sort of afraid that they’re behind or that they are not doing it right or they don’t have the knowledge.

16:09

And we talk a lot openly about money inside of our small communities where people, women do feel safe and demystify it to the best of our abilities.

And like maybe said, like how does your central nervous system feel right now that we’re starting to talk about money, not even your own personal finances, just money.

16:26

Like, and like you said, we can talk about sex, we can talk about food, we can talk about dating.

And your central nervous system doesn’t do the same thing.

So we really try to get to the root of that.

That’s so true and I am convinced that everybody has their own money language.

16:42

It happens with me and Catherine all the time and I see it with our clients.

So Catherine and I will be talking about a specific and their scenario, and we’ll almost be debating the details, but we’re saying the same thing.

Almost we are debating.

16:58

Yeah, we do.

Yeah, 100%.

And it just occurred to me that I was always the manager of my first marriage and and my second marriage, the money.

And I was great at budgeting.

I was really good at knowing where every dollar was spent, but I had no concept of the fact that money can work for you.

17:18

You can leverage money, you can leverage your financial success in a million ways.

And I never really had a even a concept of that.

And that’s where I come back and say that’s where the rocket science piece of it is.

You know, we, we as women and men, a lot of us are very good at detailing the math as you say, Mimi, but there’s more to it than that that I think sometimes people forget.

17:44

And I watched clients come through our portal and we have them upload document and fill out information.

And I always tell them, this is more for you so that we can start to make that connect of how you, your money language so we can talk to you and how you process that information.

18:01

And I feel that that’s what you all do as well.

I am curious about one thing though.

You call it the the post divorce growth cycle.

I’m curious why?

Why post divorce?

Why do you?

18:17

Why is it that not just divorce growth cycle women?

We don’t do much with women in the actual process, OK?

Many women in our community are going through divorce, OK, or thinking about going through divorce.

18:33

We’ve even had women join us before their divorce started.

But what we found when we got divorced was there was lots of resources, good, bad, great, excellent during the process.

But once it was over, we were just like kind of left hanging there.

And now what?

18:49

And it felt really overwhelming.

You know, Mimi and I were both divorcing.

Mimi’s husband actually passed away during the divorce process.

So she was grieving like she had double, you know, grief there.

And then our kids were launching out into the world.

So we were becoming empty nesters and everything felt really overwhelming about like there’s a blank slate where I never thought they’d be a blank slate.

19:08

Where do I start?

So it’s really the once the divorce is over, the post divorce growth cycle, how do I heal?

How do I grow?

How do I start creating a life that isn’t a blank slate?

It looks really exciting.

Doesn’t feel like downsizing, right?

Like everybody was telling me you’ve got to have to downsize.

You’re going to have to get a smaller car, you’re going to have to get a smaller house.

19:24

I mean, I didn’t do any of those things because I thought just because I’m not married doesn’t mean my life has become minimal like I have.

So that’s really where the post divorce growth cycle comes up.

And what we’ve been doing recently is we’ve been having the great good fortune of working with some attorneys who have said, like I kind of one of our attorneys said, I’ve Sherpa women through the divorce process and I become their guided, trusted person to give them advice and to get them through this really harrowing stage.

19:53

Then they’re we’re done, the divorce is finalized and they still come back to me and say, what do I do now?

Well, where should I go now?

And he said, it’s just so nice to be able to hand off to like, yeah, it is a void.

Here’s something you can do, right?

Like here’s a community you can join that will kind of pick you up from there.

20:09

So we’re really post divorce coaches.

Great.

Well, thank you for clarifying that because I feel like so many of our clients could benefit.

But it’s but you.

Open it up to clients going through divorce as well.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

I always have this vision.

20:25

We used to do some post divorce work, but we’ve we just do divorce now.

But I always use the analogy of, you know, you’re sitting here.

You’re sitting here with your box of stuff.

Now what?

And that’s exactly what you’re saying it.

20:41

And I, I do think most people can relate to that.

Yeah.

They work so hard to get there.

And then it occurs to them.

Now.

Now what?

Now what do we do?

Yeah.

So funny that you say that because now what is our like driving force?

Like women say, now what?

So how do we help them figure out now what is the answer to that question that feels good, not like sad or like I said, like downsizing?

21:05

A big benefit I would see in that is that, you know, even after the divorce, immediately your, you know, your, your good friends rally around you and then your friends who you thought were friends disappear.

And that’s OK too, right?

But it, it’s like in that first few, that first few months after your divorce, everyone’s there.

21:21

They’re really OK, Let’s, let’s celebrate, let’s this.

But then everyone goes away and life goes back to normal.

And that’s where I can see where you could feel stuck or lonely or what do I do next?

And how do I move past this?

You know, I, I don’t suffer from depression or anything, but I can recall times like I’m like, because I’m a very social being.

21:42

So I thought, Oh my God, here I am sitting at home again on another weekend and my friends invite me out all the time.

I could fly in to see Karen, my kids anywhere.

I have and I have the resources.

I could do all of that.

But sometimes you do want to sit home and be sad to yourself.

I mean, I’ve been to watch TV before, but if there wasn’t a community like yours, there’s so many.

21:59

If you’re listening to us right now and you don’t have the the span to go and do things for yourself.

It’s OK to be at home and feel sad one day.

It’s about what you’re doing next and to know that this resource is out here, that you guys are out there to help them.

It’s never too late to join a group like this post divorce.

22:17

It doesn’t have to be right after divorce.

It could be months later where you just are feeling stuck.

Oh, we have.

Been that have joined our group years later, you know, and one of our clients, she was five years out.

We’ve had clients that were eight years out and they’re like, it’s not like something’s wrong with my life.

22:35

You know, I even initiated the divorce and it was a, you know, a pretty calm divorce, but I didn’t have a plan for what’s next.

And so I’ve just been kind of toddling along with my life, which probably a lot of women that hit midlife and become empty nesters find themselves in that stage, whether they’ve been divorced or not.

22:54

And so we talk a lot about what what the gifts of divorce are.

And I think one of the gifts of divorce is that it forced me to think about what do I want this next chapter of my life to look like.

Whereas I have friends that are in happy marriages, are doing fine.

And I do see them just kind of plodding along because they didn’t have a huge event happened in their life that made them take stock of is this the life that I want to be living?

23:18

So when we can see a woman understand, yeah, maybe there is a gift in this.

Maybe, you know, I can find the kind of silver lining to this.

That’s when we know that we can really help them a lot.

And some women come to that realization during the divorce, probably because their divorce was 10 years coming.

23:34

Like, you know, they waited so long to actually take action that they’re already like, I’m so focused on what’s next and ready to put this behind me.

And for some women, like you said, it’s months out.

It’s years out, but whenever they’re there, you know, we would love to welcome them into our community.

23:51

And we used to teach our community live.

So we had women in Zoom rooms all the time from all over the country.

We had women from around the world that would join in and talk to us.

And then we kind of, we sort of burnt out on doing that three and four times, you know, a day, year after year.

And so we stopped it.

24:07

But we are in January going to start again a live community group.

So we’re super excited about that.

But you know, it all goes back to getting some financial clarity and being able to move on post divorce.

The more clear you are going through the process, the more clear you’ll be moving forward.

24:23

We see women who are like, holy shit, I get half of that, you know, because they’ve been trained by their spouse.

It’s like, hey, that’s in my name.

You don’t get that.

I get to keep that.

When we go through and say, well, it looks like this is really a marital property, We’ll talk to your attorney about your strategy.

Now they’re like, Oh my God, I can’t wait to get out right?

24:40

Because I’ve been staying thinking we had no money and how is I going to do this?

So and then on the flip side, we have some that say, yeah, you’re going to have to go get a job if you want to live this lifestyle because we do their lifestyle analysis or make adjustments or move on.

But whichever way you look at it, getting clarity, good, bad or indifferent lets you go on to a post divorce life that you can make better or just keep going.

25:01

Yeah, and I think to that, to that point, it’s like when a woman can understand that money equals freedom, money equals choices, you know, money equals power in my decision making.

Like when they can kind of think, make that connection to money instead of I’m just going to see greedy, you know, they’re going to feel like a gold digger or something.

25:20

That’s like a really beautiful thing to see too.

For sure.

And we have a lot of more and more conversations recently with people who say, you know, we’re actually best friends or this has been a long time coming.

Not so much excited about divorce as the financial freedom, as you said, Mimi.

25:39

And so, you know, being able to explore what that would look like without having to commit to anything because you can decide to reconcile.

You can decide to just get a postnuptial agreement.

And I’m still surprised how many people say what is that or can decide to move forward towards divorce.

25:56

Putting that commitment to the side can be so freeing as well while you’re exploring financially your options and maybe some resets you would need to do in the meantime.

So you mentioned that you’re going back to live workshops, I guess that’s what they are.

26:15

Can you explain a little bit more what is the structure of the post divorce growth cycle?

Is it, is it a podcast?

Is it online courses?

What what?

What is it in its current phase and what would could people expect?

Well, the post divorce growth cycle is the framework that we work within and we’ve taught it in live community and Zooms, you know, small group coaching.

26:37

We take workshops, you know, frequently, both paid and often free.

And our free Facebook group.

We have courses, we have a course called the recovery Method.

That is a self-paced course.

So you could buy that in each module.

Within that is a different phase of the post divorce growth cycle.

26:54

And then the community that we’re going to start is going to be what we’re going to gather a few times a month.

And Carol and I will be bringing pieces of all of the work that we’ve done in the past.

And so like this week, we’re going to work on the relationship phase.

And you can see women that are just fresh out of a narcissistic marriage or something.

27:14

They’re like, no, like step back, step back.

And it’s like, no, this is the lesson that you need to to learn.

So and once we get open that program in January, it’ll be a monthly fee that you can stay in as long or as little as you like.

The beauty of it being the post divorce growth cycle is the first time and you guys probably experience this with your clients.

27:34

The first time we say we’re talking about money with them, they’re not ready to do the whole money lesson, right.

They’re not ready to start getting down into the numbers and the practicality.

So the first time they kind of do the cycle, they just might be learning to think about themselves more confidently.

27:50

They might just be understanding their money history, like where their money fears and triggers are.

And then they move around.

So the next time they come back and work on money, they’re like, OK, I know how to handle that.

So this time I’m going to go a little bit deeper into money with for me personally and probably Carolyn too, the ultimate goal is now I’ve got an investment portfolio, I feel comfortable about what’s going on.

28:11

But you can’t have those conversations the first time you start talking about money.

So that’s that’s why we call it a cycle, because you always get a moving up to the next level.

And we find that like to do that work at a deeper, deeper level in the money means that you’ve also done work in radical self-care.

28:26

You’ve also figured out your authentic self.

You’ve also got your handle on healthy relationships, right?

So those things have healed in their own way, which then allows you to come back with to money with a different perspective because you’re you’re a different person.

Really.

You’ve healed all those other areas.

And one of the things I wanted to circle back, Katherine, you were talking about your friends showing up for you and then sort of like thinking you’re OK and you might sit home on the couch alone.

28:51

We find that the the right community is so important because your friends love you.

The ones have stuck by you.

They want the best for you.

And sometimes what they’re like.

My experience was people were like, Are you ready to date?

I’ve got a guy.

Are you ready to do this?

I’ve got a guy.

Why aren’t you calling me?

You know?

29:06

And my time was like, I want to make sure my kids are OK.

I’ve got to really make sure my job is secure.

I’m emotionally exhausted.

I’m not ready to date.

If I were to date right now, it would be a disaster.

Like I’ve got some healing to do.

So sometimes being in a room with other women who are in that phase and with coaches saying like, yeah, stay home Saturday night instead of going on a bad date, that would be your better choice is super helpful in allowing the space and time you need to find.

29:34

Like, who do I want to be now?

How do I make sure I don’t date that same person again?

How do I make sure my money is secure, my job is secure, So even our friends who love us and adore us might not always get us where we are in that moment.

I’m all for self-care and I’m all about the money care.

29:50

So I am a silver lining kind of girl.

And I just think my friend made me this plaque, you know, make the rest of my life the best of my life 12 years ago.

And, you know, I just feel like you have to go through hard times sometimes to really appreciate the good times.

And I never believe that divorce is what messes up your kids or your family.

30:08

I think it’s how you behave during the process and listen, I got a lot of feelings about both my exes.

That’s a whole nother podcast.

But you know, you can only concentrate on yourself and you can only make changes for yourself.

And I am sure that I would love to see your clients go through their development cuz I love seeing our clients just get a little bit of financial confidence and be able to make decisions for themselves.

30:32

Like we don’t tell them what to do.

That’s not our role.

We don’t invest their money.

We don’t tell them what to do.

But what we do is we give them the questions to ask and we make sure that they’re equipped with the information they need to move on and make good decisions for themselves.

And it seems like once they go through our process, they’ll be able to come through your process and maybe won’t need so many cycles because they’re getting a better grounding going through.

30:52

Because it does matter how you go through this process, the divorce process, it really does matter how you start and it matters how you move through it.

I wish I found you.

During my divorce process, my husband actually moved out of the country and you know, finances got very, very tricky.

31:08

So having you guys on my team would have been.

Hugely helpful.

You know what, let’s let’s just dig into that a little bit if you don’t mind, because it’s, I feel like Karen, we see this a lot too.

So so your spouse leaves the country, the finances are in a mess and I get it, right.

But you as the two of you, you were, you’re the one with the self-care, right?

31:27

And so I see a lot of women and I’m listen, I told you I need a massage.

I’m totally into self-care, right?

So I see a lot of women who further avoid the financial conversation because they’re concentrating on their self-care.

Like, I need to go do this, I need to keep doing this.

And this is how I did it during our marriage.

31:43

And I’m always going to do it this way.

And they’re, they, it’s an avoidance to what the reality could be financially.

And so it’s interesting because that Mimi, you were the one who was like, oh, I have this budget and my finances and what’s going to happen and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

The two of you are really the two faces of everyone going through the process, right?

32:00

So.

And I do want to jump in and just find self-care because for what how we we call it radical self-care because it is like if you want to get your nails done, your hair, whatever you were doing during your marriage, we’re never going to say that’s a bad idea.

But the radical part is like really taking care of your soul, like really coming home to who you are, not neglecting your internal needs, your feelings, your emotions, your mind.

32:24

So it’s, it’s at a deeper level that that then for me allowed me to then say, OK, let’s talk about the money.

Like I was so depleted by my marriage and I was so strung out that I needed to feed myself to be able to talk about money.

32:40

So like which?

Is great because I think there are both hats, right?

And so being able to regulate that.

I would say I think there’s a third hat too, a very common woman that we have coached and met.

And that’s the woman whose plan is just to find another man.

So it’s like some woman, like I’m just gonna really focus on me and taking care of myself some.

33:00

It’s like I’ve got this money.

I really, I’ve got to get that straight.

And then there’s the woman who comes to us after her third divorce because her plan all along was I don’t, I don’t even know that all of that exists out there.

I don’t know that that’s even possible for me.

I was trying to find a man to take care of me.

33:15

So I’ve got to, I better go find me another man without doing the work that we talk about.

It’s like, well, what are your relationship values anyway?

Like what are your deal Breakers like?

Oh, I have no deal Breakers.

I just need a man like another very third common third woman that we work with a lot.

33:33

Which is really sad because that person has very low self esteem.

You know, it’s yeah, I’m glad they come to you because there’s more than just getting.

And I always see the men who get married quicker than the women.

So it’s interesting.

The whole cycle is interesting, right?

33:49

And I love marriage.

I’m not going to do it again, but I, I love, I’m a marrying type of girl.

And it’s not for the dependents, although maybe it’s dependency on other things that I like, you know, I like their committed relationship.

I like all of that.

So it’s really, listen, we’re not here to psychoanalyze me.

If you’re listening, I’m sorry if I hijacked this conversation and made anything about myself, but I’m sure you’re just like me out there.

34:15

So I’m glad we’re covering these things.

But I’ll, I’ll leave it to you, Karen, to take off from here.

All right, maybe Catherine’s going to join that post divorce growth cycle.

It’s so funny.

Before we got on, I’m like, you know, I’m pretty tired.

I’m not going to talk too much today.

Got a new member?

34:32

I may join too these hair lumber.

Stations that we love to have with women and we love the woman that comes into our group who want can barely turn on the camera when she first joins.

The zoom.

Here and then only talks in the chat like doesn’t have a voice at all and by the end they’re like cheerleading everything you know it’s.

34:54

It’s.

So.

Gratifying to watch.

That is gratifying.

That’s that’s when you know you’re doing the right thing.

It’s.

Fabulous.

Well, thank you both for being here and for the light you bring to to this space.

It’s so needed and so refreshing to talk about growth after divorce and not just the grief.

35:11

Mimi or Carolyn, whichever, can you please share with our listeners out where they can find you, your work and get involved with your community?

Absolutely.

Our website is Rebranding Divorce and our e-mail is info at Rebranding Divorce.

We’re always happy to talk.

We even jump on Zooms and do quick consults to see if you’re right for our community, which you are.

35:32

But sometimes women need to be reassured that this is their group and we are not.

We have a Facebook group Rebranding Divorce Facebook group and we’re not super active on Instagram but you can find us there as well.

That’s great.

And to all of you listening and if you’re or even if you’re just thinking divorce or if you’re already in the process and you’re feeling unsure about your financial future, you know you don’t have to do this alone.

35:54

We have plenty of resources for you.

And to our listeners, don’t forget to like and share this episode.

And if you have a question or suggestion we love hearing from you, e-mail us at WeChat at ck11.net.

And until next time, take a breath, protect your peace, and let knowledge be your power.

36:13

Thanks for joining us on another episode of WeChat Divorce.

We hope this episode was informative and supportive on your divorce journey.

If you're looking for more support for navigating divorce with confidence and clarity, head over to azure-emu-499854.hostingersite.com/ for more podcast episodes, divorce events, and resources for your divorce.

36:35

We’ll see you back here for our next episode.